i owe it all to beth.

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"Recently I was approached by this girl who told me she was a dancer. She really took me by surprise; I had never seen anyone in this world carry themselves with such confidence and grace. What surprised me the most is how she spoke; how she always asked the most incredible questions that no one I knew would ever dare to ask and talked about how beautiful the world is and how the idea of happiness was what made her happy.

To that girl; I know you'll never read this but I was completely taken aback by your passion and confidence. The way you carry yourself and how you love every speck on the earth with every fiber of your being inspired me and made me look at the world at a completely different angle. Without even saying a word about it, you pointed out all the good things left in the world and showed me light in the darkest places. You made me fall in love with the idea of living my life again, and I could never thank you enough for that. Please never let that bright soul of yours lose it's spark, I've seen very, very few people love the world as much as you, and I'm sure you'll go far. You put so much energy and care into what you do, and I hope to find something to fight for the same way you do. I wish you luck with everything."

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the above was from a number of years ago towards the end of one of many chapters of my life, to a girl who unknowingly changed my life. to this day she continues to show me better things, as well as many people in my life lately. 

one who brings stories and poetry inspired by the people around her to life, leaving me in awe every time, while also always being there for pep talks and late night calls that'll make you laugh until you end up with a bowl of corn all over your carpet. 

another who has a visual mind like no other, who will create worlds out of nothing with the most beautiful color and attention to detail, who loves deeper than i could have ever thought possible.

another who will sass you to death, but has a big heart and will always listen to any problem you bring to him. 

one who shows you that it's totally okay to be a kid at heart, and she'll teach you that skipping the water slide to sit in the hot tub solely to look cool to the other kids is never the route to take. 

one with a need for adventure and seeing new things and while you're on road trips together will stop at random hotels just to listen to the history of the batman party they have held there for years.

and another who is beyond loyal and sturdy as a mountain, who gives the greatest hugs and has the most incredible creative mind, who always has story ideas and song lyrics swirling around in his mind and has the biggest heart of anyone i've ever known with countless dreams and goals.

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graduation, the end of summer camps, the end of a job, the end of an era, flights and drives back home. these things hardly seem to pass without leaving a bitter taste it feels like, because the older you get, the farther your friends feel, and the harder it is to maintain friendships and relationships. somehow it has become a blessing in itself, when you're able to truly appreciate when your people are right there with you, and the late, rare calls you get in between visits between classes and work that tug at your heart a little bit. whether it feels like it or not, the days you have in the space that you are with the people that you have are numbered, and if you are one of the people who get to see their loved ones every day, you are truly beyond lucky. 

love the people you're with as much as you can, with all of your heart. make sure they know. 

things you'll learn + for future reference

home is relative. and you'll become enamored of the idea of it, whether in the people you meet or the places you think about whenever things seem like they're going downhill. home will change for you, and so will the people and the things that you hold close, but like your dwellings throughout your childhood, you will always have a safe place somewhere.

apathy is pointless. not caring is pointless. you're not growing and you're not letting life in your heart and though putting parts of yourself out there is terrifying, you will never change and you will never grow if you don't.

if everything is horrible, call the people far away and listen to them talk about their film classes and what they think about faith or listen to them play piano while you sing along hundreds of miles away.

one of the greatest things you can do for yourself in these vulnerable times is to surround yourself with those who will teach you how important confidence in who you are and your abilities really are.

speaking and people are not as terrifying as your mind makes it seem. you'll become comfortable with it and one day you will learn that it's not bad for people to listen or care.

think for yourself.

your idols will change.

tell people that you love them.

keep making art.

support your friends' art.

be enthusiastic about life and all the things.

be kinder to your old self.