whom?

+ kelsey | infj, sagittarius

+ pronouns she/her | small bi queen | first year uni student

 + floating in the void 

+ someday i would like to be the kind of person who steps into a room and feels like light

aspiring animator, illustrator, maybe english teacher or something

• Short term goals: drink 2 bottles of water a day, workout at least 3 days a week, read at least one book a month, find at least one cause a year to volunteer for, 
• Long term goals: pursue animation/design/film career, visit various countries in Europe + Thailand, make good art

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I've gotten questions in the past about 'Empty Boxes'. Not on this blog; I've had a couple others and name every single one of my blogs empty boxes. It is a strange name for a blog, I'll admit, since it really has nothing to do with boxes, and doesn't seem to have any meaning or point to it, so I'll explain.

When I was little, I don't remember how or when or where I heard this, but I absolutely loved the question 'What's inside an empty box?' It had so many different meanings to different people and being the curious little child I was, I wrote down in a little notebook of mine every single possibility of what could be inside an empty box. For some people, the box didn't always represent a box, but a person, and I loved the mystery and questions that could be raised by such a simple question. I used to ask about it all the time and I was surprised how much you could tell about a person depending on their reply. For example, some said 'nothing' while others said 'air' while others put a lot of thought into the question, giving a deep, meaningful answer that might not mean much to others, but meant a whole lot to them.

One day, I asked myself the question after listening to all the answers and pondering over all the replies I had received. I was thinking about the people who had said 'nothing' and asked myself, 'Why would it have to be empty? Why doesn't someone just go ahead and fill it?'

I began my blogging journey a couple years ago; about the time I had reached the 'difficult' age and was constantly depressed and irritable. Deciding that a simple journal wasn't enough to express my feelings and pull myself together, I started a blog. I had taken time before to read several blogs while thinking up a name for a blog of my own when I was at my peak of depression. I felt utterly worthless. There was no point in living anymore. I was a hopeless case in my own eyes, and ended up bringing myself down more than I ever should have allowed myself to. I often went and looked in my stained bathroom mirror and told myself, 'You are worthless. You are nothing.'

I had turned into one of the people with 'nothing' in their empty boxes.

While laying in bed one night, I remembered the empty boxes question and the people who had used the box to represent a person. And how some of the people had nothing in them. And I remembered myself wondering why they didn't just fill them. Everything had a purpose, everything had meaning, that box couldn't just sit there empty, it needed to serve a purpose.

And that's what my blog became. My box.

And over time, I filled those 'boxes' of mine with ideas and passions that took the emptiness' place, slowly lifting away my anxiety and pain I had caused myself as I met absolutely amazing people from all over who had taken the time to read the ramblings of a girl who had once called herself nothing. I've learned so much about those amazing people and myself as I continued to type up these 'pointless' posts that have brought me far. I was no longer an empty person, but someone who felt she finally served a purpose, and found many passions along the way that slowly built me.

I hope you like my box. And I hope your own box will never be left empty.

- 2014