**long rant-y post ahead**
Chris Kendall, or better known on the internet as Crabstickz, uploaded this video a while ago after months of being absent. It didn’t seem
like much, just 45 seconds of him holding up a card reading “are you using a
manufactured personality to be heard on the internet?” but really to me it
meant a lot.
A lot of other youtubers replied to his short little video,
saying that, yes, they often do have to feel like a whole different person to
be heard on the internet, to keep all of their subscribers and keep their job
as a youtuber going. There was such a broad range of responses to this question,
every video an admission that they weren’t completely honest about who they
were on the internet 100% of the time.
It was one of the videos I watched, I think by Doddleoddle
it was who said she was struggling with the fact that she always had to hold up
this upbeat, way too happy personality every time she made a video. Because
that’s what people like, right? They like happy, bouncy people who are always
excited about everything and talk in high tones that people in real life only
use to talk to their dogs.
Of course, I don’t have a Youtube channel, but I do have a
blog. And I’ve struggled with the same thing. Honestly, if I was able to post
at least once every week, I totally would, but the thing is, in every post I
tend to give off this “happy” vibe with all caps and too many exclamation
points to count. I’m not saying that’s not who I am, it’s just I’m only able to
make posts when I’m in that All-Caps-And-Exclamation-Points mood, and it gets
to be a struggle. When I first started posting, I did post every day, or every other day. And it was horrible. Even
when I felt like screaming into my pillow or crying in a corner for a month, I
always felt pressured to be happy for my followers. Because every time I said I
was upset or gave off this vibe that I was mad about something, people would
back off, whether it was online or in real life. Because that’s not the Kelsey people
are used to. Whenever I needed to talk to people, I basically trained myself to
have one setting, ‘Peppy Cheerleader at a Football Game’, and nothing else to make sure
that no one would run off. People wanted happy. And holding myself up to those
standards were freaking. exhausting.
Over time I had to question this. Was this really healthy?
Was this really what I wanted? If people didn’t stand by my side even when I’m
not in that stupid ‘happy-go-lucky’ mood, did they really care? And over time, I did end up taking more breaks and
showing more emotions. Because here’s the truth; I’m not always happy. I’m not
always that 'all caps' girl. In fact, in real life, it’s like once a month I actually
act the way I do on here. I cry a lot. My family is constantly nagging me,
asking me why I never smile anymore. I think about when I was little and how
often I would laugh and feel even worse because I don’t remember the last time
I genuinely laughed out loud. I am happy sometimes, don’t get me wrong, because
if I wasn’t, I would never post on here.
If you feel pressured in the same way to be constantly happy
for other people, just remember, you are not a robot. People break down sometimes.
People are upset sometimes. People feel like crap sometimes. It’s normal. You
shouldn’t have to hold yourself to these standards to be one of those people
who are constantly smiling and laughing. You can challenge yourself to be
happier, but you can’t just completely get rid of all of your other emotions. If
people tell you that you tend to give off this vibe that you’re always upset,
that’s their problem. Because this is who you are. And you are human. You
shouldn’t have to turn yourself into a robot just so you can be heard on the
internet.
But this is just how I relate to his question. There were so
many amazing answers to Crabstickz, and I’m so happy he made that video,
because it is important. If you have a response too, maybe make a post with
your own thoughts? Even if you don’t, this is something for everyone to think
about.
“Are you using a manufactured personality to be heard on the
internet?”
~ ~ ~
Sorry about the little rant that didn't really even make any sense in the long run, but I really needed to let this out. Thank you so much for reading. <3
If you read the whole thing, you get a cookie
