Sunday, December 18, 2016

hello (darkness my old friend)

it's been quite a while since anything's actually been touched on this blog, incredible, it feels all new and special again

ayyy, so my name is Kelsey and surprisingly enough, I can't even count the times I've tried to open this blog and left without fail, nice to meet you!!!!

it's been a wild past few *patrick stump voice* CENTURIEEESSS months, and as of recently, I wanted to reopen this for I found out that I'm doing a school exchange program (I'm a small child and cannot be trusted in a new town all by myself, I am not Adult™ enoughsend multiple ambulances) and I wanted to possibly try to document this in some way?

It won't be happening until early January, so there's going to be some time until I actually start posting on here, but since it's been actual months since I've opened this (and everything's different again, who at Google do I fight, they completely redid everything), I decided to try and get back into something that resembles the old routine on here

this is definitely getting the award for the absolute worst introduction post, especially as a "yooo, i never told you i was leaving in the first place--psych. (cue the awkward + apologetic finger guns @ literally nobody)" post, but by the time I get on the plane in January, the blog will probably get a decent makeover (watch it end up getting back that old black star background for nostalgia's sake, yikes) and there'll be a new intro post that had effort put into it, whoopdedoo

anywho, (THEY FINALLY COUNT "ANYWHO" AS AN ACTUAL WORD ON HERE, DO YOU HEAR THE ANGELS SING) this should be quite the adventure.

looking forward to coming back to dump random, cheesy paragraphs on here (again)

can you believe this gif still is in my folders, its a beautiful day

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Take a chill pill, your honor

(a much better quality, actually finished version of this will be coming once life calms down)

 I call this piece "When you have roughly 5,603 missed calls and voicemails to answer and probably ~3,000,000,000 emails you really should've answered a long time ago and you ~kinda~ feel like slingshotting yourself into the sun, but you CAN'T because you promised you would babysit tonight and you have about 17 different people who are angry at you who you should've apologized to about three years ago, but you haven't because, you know, that one meeting you had to go to and then you had a whole long apology written up and then you were too scared to send it and then you  f o r g o t  because you fell asleep and then had to go to your brother's spelling bee competition and then your family decided to go on vacation at the worst time possible because you have finals due in like two weeks and you haven't even started studying, but your friend you haven't talked to in a while messages you and you end up talking for hours and by the end of that it's Sunday again and you realize tomorrow's Monday and you just sort of"

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Sunday nights can be a little rough remembering that you have a whole week ahead of you, and judging from what a lot of you have said in the past week, I feel like a lot of you could use a hug. I really hope you guys doing okay out there, I really hope this week is better for you.

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this week's playlist
My Fault - Imagine Dragons | Berlin - RY X | Love - Daughter | She Had The World - Panic! at the Disco | Home - Johnnyswim | Flesh and Bone - Keaton Henson | You Don't Know How Lucky You Are - Keaton Henson | One of Those Things - Tom Rosenthal and Paul Haworth | Journey OST

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

my favorite things I've overhead strangers say

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

"You're not 'telling it like it is' you're telling it how you see it."

"So tell me, what is curiosity not?"

"Everyone's art is beautiful in their own way because its something we put a bit of our souls in."

"Why are you lying about not having a heart? I've seen it."

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My favorite thing about going to an online school was that I got to spend the majority of my time in various coffee shops and libraries to do my work. I feel like I've learned more about people by eavesdropping conversations more than I ever will in a school of a group of exhausted, agonized teens, but I still feel like I should learn to stop listening in on other people's business so often. One day I'll learn

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this week's playlist
Dial Tones - AS IT IS | Fast Car - Tracy Chapman | Be Good - Max Brodie and Tom Rosenthal | How To Never Stop Being Sad - dandelion hands | Every Age - Jose Gonzales | Plant Life - Owl City | Flowers Bloom - High Highs | Fear and Loathing - Marina and the Diamonds | Float On - Modest Mouse | The World At Large - Modest Mouse | No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses | Coming Home Part II - Skylar Grey | Homewrecker - Marina and the Diamonds | Constellations - Tom Odell | Misguided Ghosts - Paramore | Jesus Christ - Brand New | The entire Folie album
(the transition between The World At Large and Float On and the meaning behind those two songs and that whole album makes me so incredibly happy. I love those songs so, so much, wow)

Sunday, May 8, 2016

end of the day - one direction

this song is great because a.) it puts me in a really giddy, happy mood and b.) me liking this song contradicts everything I said about how pop music was awful, blah blah blah, and all that when I was in 6th grade (I know you were still learning, 6th Grade Me, but hoo boy your whole 'I'm not like other girls' attitude was really unnecessary) so jokes on you, 6th Grade Me

Anyway, this is the beginning of 'Project Atlas', something I will be talking about soon? I'm not sure when?? I don't have the post ready yet, I meant to post that one before this one, but I finished this first and was way too excited about it to wait, so here it is. You should see the placeholder picture for the other post

I tried really hard

That's all I got for today. I hope your week is going well so far and that finals are going well for you all, the years almost over, you got this (at least in America, everywhere else, good luck man) And since it's been actual months, for old times' sake,


(and happy mothers day!!)

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this week's playlist
Send My Love (to your new lover) - Adele | End of the Day - One Direction | Addict With a Pen - Twenty One Pilots | You Are More - Tenth Avenue North | Ships In The Night - Mat Kearney | Over My Head - The Fray | When You Can't Sleep At Night - Of Mice and Men | Touch - Sleeping At Last | In The Absence of Everything, I Promise to Keep You Warn - Flatsound | Tiny Glowing Screens Part II - Watsky | What It Costs - Switchfoot | R.I.P. 2 My Youth - The Neighborhood | The World At Large - Modest Mouse | The Calendar - Panic! at the Disco | Landslide - Oh Wonder

Friday, May 6, 2016

Getting better at getting better.

Day 119 - 7:59am
This week I am getting better at getting better. This week I learned that change is constant and growth is not always linear (in fact, it rarely ever is). I am not always going to see my progress and at times that will kill me and there will always be things out there that will knock me all the way back to square one, but that doesn't mean I'm still not growing in ways I can't see.

This month I reevaluated my list of people I look up to, for I realized that the majority of the people I idolized before are actually just like everyone else plus a cupful of arrogance. The people I look up to now are very ordinary with dashes of extraordinary; the girl learning to accept herself, my parents who put others first as a living, the teacher who always stood her ground and fought for what she knew was right, the other girl who sees the world through hopeful eyes, and another that is kind before she is right. These are my idols. These are the people I need to be.

These past few months I learned to ask for help. I finally asked for help recently, something I've been needing for a very long time, and though the result of my asking for help wasn't my first choice, by the end of the meeting that day we all agreed that it was what was best for me, for I have been given far too many second chances that I did not deserve. Nor do I deserve this one. In January, I viewed this whole thing as The End. It's Over. There's Nothing Left. and it was one of the main things that contributed to my hiatus of this blog and my hiding from everyone I care about. But I have help now, and I am going to use what I have left of this year and the help that I've been given to make it up to all the people who gave me second chances I didn't deserve.

The most important thing that I've learned this year is to take care of things close to home before anything else; to clean your room before setting out to save the world. and I am choosing to interpret the fact that nothing else is getting better on its own as a sign that I am the thing that needs to get better first. This year so far has been pretty rough, not gonna lie. Thankfully, we're not even halfway through this year anyway; there's still time for everything to get better. All the same, there's far too many things I need to fix, and I'm having a hard time with my priorities right now. I apologize to everything/one else I've neglected the past few months; everything's a bit of a wreck right now.

I wish things didn't have to change like this, and I'm really going to miss all the people here, but
I know I made a promise last year that I broke and I'll never forgive myself if I break it again.

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this week's playlist
Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran | Inside out - Eve 6 | ILYSB - LANY | Lying to You - Keaton Henson | You Are My Sunshine - The Civil Wars | November -  Sleeping With Sirens | Blood Bank - Bon Iver | Goner - Twenty One Pilots | VCR - The xx | The Moon Song - Karen O and Ezra Koenig | There Will Be Time - Mumford & Sons | Cardiac Arrest - Bad Suns | Breezeblocks - alt-j

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

● Day 123 ●

it's days like these that make me feel really lucky to be alive.

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I've been doing this thing on my side blog on tumblr this year where every day
I post a photo/photoset of pictures of that day. It's sort of a photojournal I guess? They're all very simple, but I love sharing them so much. Anyway, I decided
to post some on here too. Not every single day, but maybe just a couple of my favorites from that month or something like that, we'll see how this all turns out.
also, I have a challenge if any of you are currently out of post inspiration/just feel like procrastinating and going through your own pictures: sum up the world the best you can with only ten pictures in your camera roll

I hope you all are having a great day out there <3

this week's playlist
Matomrie - Baptiste & Monta | Take Your Guess (alternative version) - Tom Rosenthal | Things That Stop You Dreaming - Passenger | Wildflowers - Tom Petty | Pstereo - Emilie Nicolas | Peaches - In The Valley Below | Art School Wannabe - Sorority Noise | The Night Will Save Us - The Strumbellas | anywayican - WALK THE MOON | Give Me A Try - The Wombats | The Village, The Wolf and The Boy - Taylor Berrett | In The Morning - Keaton Henson | Rain Clouds - The Arcadian Wild | I Am - AWOLNATION | Seeing Stars - BORNS | Don't Let Me Down - The Chainsmokers + Daya | Symphonia IX (My Wait Is U) - Grimes | Drifting - On An On | About The Weather - Tom Rosenthal | Half The World Away - AURORA | The Mason - Tossing Copper | Lying to You - Keaton Henson
(I have over 100 songs in this playlist actually, so if you want to see them all here it is. I'm working on trying to avoid making the playlist longer than the post itself)

Sunday, April 24, 2016

The Text Tag

Thank you so much to the wonderful Adi for tagging me in this!
-Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog
-answer the original 6 questions
-add a typography/word related question of your own for the people you tagged to answer
-tag 6 other bloggers and let them know
-include these rules in your post

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What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
probably J 

What are three words that you love?
'stoked' and 'aspire' and 'meliorism' and 'quest' and 'universe' and 'timid' and so many other things, I don't know how I could be expected to limit myself to just three

What are three words that you hate?
slut, moist, and entrepreneur, purely because I couldn't spell it to save my life and it frustrates me to no end

If you were to create a word, what would it be, and what would it describe?
something to explain the feeling of flying over the ocean at sunset. I've yet to find a word that completely describes how calming it is to watch the clouds turn red and the ocean glow pink and the whole airplane fill with a golden glow, it's unreal

I also don't think we have enough words in the English vocabulary to describe all of the things that are different kinds of beautiful, so that's another thing to work on

What are your three favorite punctuation marks?
+, &, and I feel like the interrobang symbol and I would get along well
‽ I mean?? that is my mood 24/7

What are three of your favorite fonts?
Consolas, quicksand, and geo sans light

Question from Adaline: what is your favorite quote/most beautiful thing you've ever heard or read?
I don't think I could ever really choose a specific quote really. I absolutely love everything that Dallas Clayton, Ryan O'Neal, and Keaton Henson come up with, and honestly I could fall in love with a single word just because of its definition or how it rolls off your tongue.
So here are just a small handful of the things I've fallen in love with over time

"But this is my body, the only thing that I own entirely, and it will carry me to greatness somehow." -Ginger, The Front Bottoms (this line feels like a battle cry and it gives me so much hope)


"You are a vessel of roses, and you won't always be in bloom, but I promise the frost never stays for long." -(x)

"If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning." -Vincent Van Gogh

"The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present." -Welcome to Night Vale

"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid." -I honestly have no clue, I'll add it later if I find out (EDIT: it was Frederick Buechner)

"We're driving toward the morning sun where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone." -Taxi Cab, TOP 

the funny thing is, there have been single lines on the internet that I've read that have broken me more than any book from any profession author ever could. I might make a whole post on those later. 

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I tag
(if you don't want to do it/have already done it and I'm just dumb, you totally don't have to either)

my addition to the questions:
If you had the choice to have the writing style of one of your favorite authors, who would you choose?

I think that's all I need to do? I always feel like I'm missing something whenever I finish these, I don't know why, but thank you so much again to Adi for tagging me, this was really cool (even if it took me seven years to get up I'm sorry)
And I hope you all have a good day/week/life, go make something cool or read a wonderful book for me

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this week's playlist
Catch & Release - Matt Simons | Stars (Hold On) - Youngblood Hawke | Beekeeper - Keaton Henson | I Could Be Stronger (But Only For You) - Gareth Emery | Easy - Son Lux | Nowhere / Bloodlines Pt. I - Sir Sly | Helpless / Bloodlines Pt. II - Sir Sly | Heal - Tom Odell | High Hopes - Kodaline | Spirits - The Strumbellas | The Sea Is a Good Place to Think of the Future - Los Campesinos! | Shiver - Lucy Rose | To See You Alive - Flatsound | Wild Things - Alessia Cara | Spaceman - The Killers | Better Days - Passport to Stockholm | Just Breathe - Pearl Jam | Bad Blood - Sleeping At Last | Raging - Kygo and Kodaline | Brazil - Declan McKenna

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Things I Never Want To Forget

  • my first trip to Disneyland
  • the first time I saw the ocean
  • all those times we laughed as we walked down the hallways after school and laughed even harder at all the kids who were wondering what was wrong with us
  • My first concert 
  • the first message you sent me that lead to months of us talking for hours
  • The rainbow lights shining on the White House
  • "Orange dictionaries" 
  • That one ice skating trip
  • Making cookies by the fire
  • The cheesiest pick up lines that ever graced the earth that we couldn't help but laugh at 
  • All those winters sitting by the fire with hot chocolate surrounded by lights and feeling safe
  • The summer with Ella
  • "I've never talked to you but hi and I hope you're feeling swell"
  • Taking the long way home after our night at Dairy Queen to sing to our favorite songs in the car
  • Cassie
  • 9:59 pm, June 9, 2015
  • The magical "TPO and Typo Friends" comics
  • Valentine's Day 2007 
  • Valentine's Day 2015
  • Spending the day at the Allerton Garden 
  • Looking for new CD's at second hand stores
  • Mr. R and Mrs. K
  • Light, airy apartments + troye sivan music
  • Studying in that coffee shop and the cashier in the Fall Out Boy top who said she liked my drawings
  • "I really do think you're going places"
  • Robin and Ryan and their progress
  • dancing in the living room 
  • All the people who tagged their sad friends in happy/hopeful posts and told them that everything was going to be okay

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I was planning to get this up sooner, but I forgot state testing was a thing and then, ironically enough, it took me a lot longer than I thought it would to remember all the things I never want to forget.
I hope you're all having a wonderful week. <3

this week's playlist
All I Want - Kodaline | Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine | We Are Nowhere and Its Now - Bright Eyes | Small Hands - Keaton Henson | Taxi Cab - Twenty One Pilots | Talk - Kodaline | On The News - Keaton Henson | Fixin' - WALK THE MOON | If You Ever Want To Be In Love - James Bay | Impossible Year - Panic! at the Disco | July Bones - Richard Walters | Catch & Release - Matt Simons | Unsteady - X Ambassadors | Another Love - Tom Odell | Winter Winds - Mumford & Sons | Raging - Kygo and Kodaline | Between Me And You - Brandon Flowers | Easy - Son Lux | Honey - Magic Man | Mind Over Matter - Young The Giant | Total Eclipse of the Heart - Sleeping At Last | Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson | The Only One For Me - Jack and White | In Love Alone - Jack and White | King of Leaves - Richard Walters | Your Song - Elton John 

Thursday, April 14, 2016

A Concept;

so for a while there was a thing going around on Tumblr (I think its still a thing?? who knows?? I'm an actual grandma and don't know how to keep up with things, so for the sake of this post I'll say its still a thing) and I decided to jump on the bandwagon 600 years later and write future concepts for the people in my life. I guess this is less of a 'concept' post and more of a 'hopes for the future' post, but oh well. Enjoy I guess?

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a concept; you are loved. you are safe and feel loved and you finally are living your dreams. the rest of the world finally sees you for the beautiful, bright soul you are and you do too. You finally get to do all the things you wanted to, see all the places you wanted to see, and meet all your idols and jthe people who inspired you even in your darkest times and thank them for everything. we finally got to go on that road trip that we planned and then some. all your hard work has finally paid off and you've finally realized how important you are and have a successful career. You get to keep on inspiring people while living your dream life with all you ever wanted and more. Everything's better than you ever could've hoped for. 

a concept; we've finally met. in real life. we've met and we've been together for just a few months now, but we still adore each other after all this time and we've got our own apartment now. we get to do all those movie marathons we planned and we wake up every morning to waffles and hot chocolate with our dog curled up in the living room. I get to show you all the things I wanted to, and maybe everything didn't turn out the way we planned, but you're here. you're here with me and the world is brighter now that you are and I love you so.

a concept; you're a writer. you get to keep going with your masterpieces and you have several of your works published and you get to see the impact you make on a much larger scale. your words heal the hearts of people around the world and not only do you get to inspire others to do the same, but you inspire others to keep going when they thought they were ready to fall.

a concept;  you've graduated from Stanford at the top of your class like you always dreamed you would. you're still working on your dream to become the president of the united states, but in the meantime you're changing the world for the better with your ideas and you get to dream even bigger dreams along the way.

a concept; the world is brighter. there are more people chasing their passions and there are more ideas changing the world every day. people are still falling in love and learning to love themselves too. old doubts and insecurities are gradually replaced by seeds of hope and we're all okay. broken hearts are mended and all the things we lost are being rebuilt from the ground up. the world is getting better and we're all okay.

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this week's playlist
From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last | Am I Pretty? - The Maine | Swan Song - Grimes | Woodwork - Sleeping At Last | Loved At All - Joel Ansett | That Green Gentleman - Panic! at the Disco | Love At First Sight - The Brobecks | Sidekick - WALK THE MOON | I'll Keep You Safe - Sleeping At Last | She Had The World - Panic! at the Disco | Homeless - Ed Sheeran | High Hopes - Kodaline | Jenny - WALK THE MOON | The City - The 1975 | From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last | Do You Know What I'm Seeing? - Panic! at the DiscoPictures - Benjamin Francis Leftswich | I Knew This Would Be Love - Imaginary Future | Let It Go - James Bay | Growing Pains - Birdy | Laughter Lines - Bastille | Where The Skies Are Blue - The Lumineers | You - Keaton Henson

(I'll finally reply to comments sometime today, I promise)

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

  • Life, even with all the horrible things mixed in, is very much worth living
  • Mallory Ortberg is right about everything
  • keeping your favorite band away from the rest of the world is one of the worst thing you can do for them
  • Having a strong voice on the internet is a very special thing
  • that being said, having a strong voice on the internet is also a very scary thing and should be used in moderation and learning to be critical of what you put out there is important
  • You should never feel bad for feeling excited about something you love
  • Travelling by yourself is actually one of the best feelings in the world
  • but, at same time, as much as it is important to learn to be independent and to grow on your own, having a hand to hold along the way is a good feeling too 
  • Listen to good music now. Your future self will thank you.
  • Everywhere you go, you are a student. (x)
  • comparing your progress to someone else's is probably one of the worst things you can do for your self esteem. everyone is at different places at different times of their lives and everyone's going to figure themselves out at different points of their lives and that's okay
  • Hating your past self will do nothing for you. Accept the fact that Little You is still learning and Current You is still learning and there will always be new things to learn in the future 
  • I know there are constantly a lot of bad things happening all the time, but please don't forget that there is still good in the world and people are still worth loving
  • honestly, who cares if other people know if you like 1D still or you still like coloring books, who cares, you just do u my friend
  • There is not a single person on this planet or in this wide, vast galaxy that could fill your place
  • the world isn't out to get you, no one hates you, you're not nearly as awkward as you think, and people are kinder than you may think
  • you
  • deserve
  • to 
  • be
  • happy
  • care! about! things! apathy is so passe
  • as long as you're wearing cool socks, you're automatically the coolest (i'm so tired i just wrote "coolester" i'm dying) person in the room
  • The history of Japan is actually really cool and Bill Wurtz needs to be my teacher for everything
  • When someone argues against your points, keep in mind that you're either right or you get to learn something new, and either is fine. Being proved wrong in an argument isn't necessarily a bad thing and being able to admit that you hadn't thought about the thing that way before or that you misunderstood something before is a strength, not a weakness 
  • Whenever you feel bad about your work, just think about how impressed Little You would be at how far you've come.
  • you are too old for petty drama
  • Your friends aren't always going to be there for you. It's okay. 
  • don't be afraid of the word 'no'
  • Forgiving yourself is very very hard, and you're going to go through times when you really hate yourself for something. Remember that it's okay and what happened doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does. You'll be okay soon.
  • Use as much as your free time as possible to improve your mind. Find some new music, read that book that's been on your shelf for months, practice that instrument that's collected dust, research a topic you're curious about, try new things
  • don't let yourself hate other people. don't hold grunges. don't talk about people behind their backs. don't hate. don't hate. don't hate. 
  • you can't demand a service while simultaneously degrading the people who provide it for you.
  • you're still learning. everyone around you is still learning. 
  • you're going to be okay, friend.
  • and everything else will be okay too.
  • everything will be okay.

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this week's playlist (favorites bolded)
Pull Me Down - Mikky Ekko | Dust Bowl Dance - Mumford & Sons | Mars - Sleeping At Last | Drown - Tyler Joseph | Next To Me - Sleeping At Last | You Were A Home That I Wanted To Grow Up In - Flatsound | Now Is The Start - A Fine Frenzy | On The Brightside - Never Shout Never | Jupiter - Sleeping At Last | American Candy - The Maine | Everybody's Changing - Keane | Cough It Out - The Front Bottoms | Somebody Else - The 1975 | Taxi Cab - Vampire Weekend | Cleopatra - The Lumineers | The House We Grew Up In - The Weeks | Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala | Compass - Zella Day | Light - Sleeping At Last | You Wrote "Don't Forget" On Your Arm - Flatsound

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Happy Little Things

So about seven hundred years ago, quite a few of you (Lauren, AshleyAdalineEllie, Gwen, Maddie, Adelaide) did the happy tag, where you basically just list the things that make you happy, all in different categories, and because I'm a mushy, nostalgic mess, I'm going to do the same. I don't know who originally did this, I'm sorry, if anyone knows if you could let me know that would be great.

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Cinnamon vanilla cookie candles dust books petrichor clean sheets

 Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Saenz | Challenger Deep - Neal Shusterman | The Wednesday Wars - Gary D. Schmidt | Keeper of the Lost Cities - Shannon Messenger | Oh, The Places You'll Go - Dr. Seuss | The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien | The Amazing Book is not On Fire - Dan and Phil | Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life - Wendy Mass

Movies and TV
Girl Meets World | Legally Blonde | Dead Poets Society | Remember the Titans | The Princess Bride | Matilda | Leap Year | The Neverending Story | The Suite Life of Zack and Cody | Frasier | Breakfast at Tiffany's | Finding Nemo | Lord of the Rings | The Hobbit | Malcolm in the Middle | Parks and Recreation

aspire universe meliorism orphic oddity explorer escapade

Kansas City - The New Basement Tapes | Love at First Sight - The Brobecks | Woman Woman - AWOLNATION | Avalanche - WALK THE MOON | Anna Sun - WALK THE MOON | Luna - Bombay Bicycle Club | First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes | Dead Hearts - Stars | Taking Pictures of You - The Kooks | I'll Keep On - NF | Stay In the Clouds - Zee Avi | Anathema - Twenty One Pilots | Lovely - Twenty One Pilots | Recover - CHVRCHES | Forest - Twenty One Pilots | Ease - Troye Sivan | Two Young Hearts - Sabrina Carpenter | Oblivion - Bastille | Little Bird - Ed Sheeran | Dear Bobbie - Yellowcard | Holding Onto You - Twenty One Pilots | SING - My Chemical Romance | Spotlight - Patrick Stump | Banana Bread - Cavetown | LA Devotee - Panic! at the Disco | All of them Dreams - Tom Rosenthal | Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros | Suburbia - Troye Sivan | Slowtown - Twenty One Pilots

Other Things
My fabulous little El Bandito |  birds | the ocean | my dan to my phil | singing at the top of your lungs during road trips | koi fish | banana bread | finding new bands | those 'the way I see it' starbucks cups | the color yellow | fog | blue neighborhood | sunflowers | golden morning sun rays that hit all the corners of your house | art | books | stars | forests | plants | tea | dogs and cats | cloudy and rainy days | walks in the city | old twenty one pilots tweets | ice cream | fairy lights | lifting off in an airplane and watching the cities get smaller and smaller | staying in hotels | little cottages | overgrown gardens | flag banners | those bookshelves with rolling ladders

From what I've come across, this hasn't been a "be tagged and tag others" tag, so if you feel like diving into a sea of nostalgia and mushy feelings, then by all means, go ahead and spread the joy. It's a really sweet tag, and tends to make people happier.

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last night we finally got the keys to the new house my family's moving into, and I got to visit my new room for a while. It's a little smaller than the one I have now, so I'm currently in the process of  getting rid of a lot of old things. So far it's been a little scary, but something about spending some time to visit my new room and get used to it helped a lot. The neighborhood isn't bad; we're at the end of this roundabout surrounded by a bunch of trees. I still get the view of the sunset that I wanted and my window's behind a giant tree in the front so I still feel safe and secluded. I'm still working on getting used to it, but we'll just have to see what happens.

Also, I'm finally on spring break, which has been giving me more time to work on other things other than panicking over deadlines and trying to keep from tossing my textbooks out the window, so that's been great.

I hope you're all doing well! I think I'm finally caught up with most of your blogs (good luck to those of you who still aren't on spring break btw or who don't have it at all, wow) I hope schools been good for you, and that your pets and everything are all doing great.

Maybe one of these days I'll learn how to make an outro to a post without making it awkward

Until my next snack break between Parks and Rec episodes, kids

Thursday, March 17, 2016


So um...hi?? It's been a while. 

I'm back to the same old blog, just with a whole new url and look, which still feels strange honestly, but I like the new feel of it.
It's official, this is the longest hiatus I've ever had, but I needed it. I was wanting to come back a lot sooner, but it didn't exactly go as planned. Either way, I'm really happy to be back.
Please forgive me if I don't sound the same, it's been a while and quite a few of my interests have changed and I'm still not quite comfortable with everything yet. I haven't been on blogger for a couple months either, so if in the last week or so you noticed a sudden spike in your pageviews, that was probably me. I'm still working on catching up with everything and hoping I can reestablish this little corner of the internet. 
I feel like I left you all as the Dan and Phil + pun loving member of the community and then completely changed myself and dragged myself back, which feels unfair to all of you in a way I guess and I feel really bad, but maybe I can try to introduce you to the things I love (again).  It will probably happen in a post later on. 
Since I haven't asked in a long time, how are all of you doing? I've tried to catch up with the majority of you by reading blogs, but sometimes it's still hard to tell, so how's life for everyone? How is school, your pets, maybe some of you have made some drastic changes in your lives? (I'm really sorry, I'm so bad at this)
Hopefully by next week I'll be better at this. I do have a couple drafts already up and ready to go, so I'm looking forward to those in the meantime.

(And I'm going to get better at this, I promise.) 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Dear Future,

Thank you for being kind
Thank you for always settling in as the gentle present
Thank you for never being anything more than I can handle 
I'll admit, I was a little terrified at first when I first heard of you, but I appreciate all of the wonderful people you've given me along the way so I don't have to take this path alone
I'm sorry for pushing you away for the longest time when I was younger; you have to understand, I didn't know what to think
Because you bring such terrible, wonderful things, and I wasn't ready to face any of them 
But along with the people, you've given me hope and a whole new perspective on the most beautiful, horrible place I've ever seen
Please forgive me if I'm still a little hesitant, but I still doubt myself and wonder if I'll ever be ready to fully come out of my own little box I've grown so fond of 
All the same, I'm very glad you're here, and I invite you in to take a seat
Pour yourself a cup of tea and make yourself at home
I'm ready to hear all about the world you've built for me

_        _        _

fun fact: I was sitting alone on a beach a few months ago, right behind the group of kids in the last picture. we all sat and watched the waves while the boy and girl on the far right played the flute while the middle one played the ukulele and the other two sang about the future and hope and love while the sun went down. Sitting on that beach behind that group of kids was the calmest and most at peace with the world I've felt in a very long time.

_        _        _

this week's playlist
I'll Keep On - NF, Jeremiah Carlson | Heal - Tom Odell | The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance | Woman Woman - AWOLNATION | Kansas City - The New Basement Tapes | Avalance - WALK THE MOON | Portugal - WALK THE MOON | R.I.P. 2 My Youth - The Neighbourhood | What It Costs - Switchfoot | Maps - The Front Bottoms | Stay In The Clouds - Zee Avi | Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford and Sons | Carried Away - Dionysia | All These Things That I've Done - The Killers

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

A Short Interlude

So um, I'm going to be leaving for a while.
I'm just not happy here anymore, or anywhere on the internet anymore, really, so I'm going to be taking a break for a couple months. I've currently got a job, my art, school, and my general well-being to worry about that I haven't been worrying about for a while, so I'm just going to be eliminating everything that keeps me from that for the time being until I can pull myself together. Plus, I'm not really proud of the drafts that I've been working on the past few months, and if I'm not even able to come up with something decent to post, it's probably a good idea for me to take a break. I've had this draft typed up for quite some time now, actually, like it was some sort of get-out-of-jail-free card, and I'm finally ready to use it. 
Whether I want to stay all depends on how I feel when I get back, so I guess I'll see you all then. :)
You all take care of yourselves out there, okay?

((and please don't take my photos, thank you <3))

Thursday, January 7, 2016

I'll never be enough // But what is enough?

 ~     ~     ~

About two years ago, before I ever had this blog, or any of my little 'Empty Boxes' to fill, I hit a pretty rough place in my life

I did and said many, many things that I regret now, but there was a period of time in my life where I stumbled upon a whole box of new feelings that I didn't know what to do with, or how to deal with them, or how in the world to get help.

The biggest thing that I remember during that period of time is the emptiness (which, over time, ended up being my main inspiration for this blog), and the whole idea of me not being "enough" for anything or anyone, and the thought that the world would be better off without a simple little girl who simply wasn't "enough" for the great, wide open out there, with so many places to fill that I never would've found if I had given up then.

This is something I think about a lot, the little girl who sat alone in her room for three years, and the slightly older girl who eventually did get help and did eventually find therapy that gradually pulled me out of that. Not too long ago, one of my favorite Youtubers, Robin Skinner, released a song that I have had on repeat since, but it wasn't until a week ago I really listened to one of the lyrics, "it's alright to feel a little bit of darkness now and then / I know I've said it once but I still tell myself again and again, 'you'll never be enough' / but what is enough?" that threw me right back to my turning point, while I was still "healing" and trying to pull myself out of what I had buried myself under.

I can't just pretend that all of that just magically disappeared after all that I had done, they still come back. Those thoughts are still in my head, just not nearly as...impactful, I guess you could say. I can't just "cure" myself all of a sudden, I still have trouble with my self esteem, the whole concept that I actually "matter" at all, and those pesky voices that I've noticed are inside a lot of us that tell us that we're not enough are all still there, they're just less frequent and are a little muffled now that I have a place to fill and call my own. But to hear exactly how I felt in a song, somehow stitched into a perfect string of words, was comforting in a way, even if I did end up reliving a little bit of what I felt like years ago, because for the first time I was able to really compare that to where I am now. Because honestly, I'm not very different personality-wise from when I was younger, the only difference between Younger Me and Older Me is that I am honestly able to tell myself that I am worth loving and that I do matter, whether or not I've found what I'm meant for. Even back then, I still had a purpose, and the place I was meant for was still out there, even if I did feel like an extra puzzle piece.

The point of this is, there's no such thing as 'enough', you don't have to be 'enough' for anyone or anything, because you were meant to be your own, and the current place you are in your life doesn't affect that in any way. Whether you are on the verge of giving up, or feel like soaring through the clouds, you still matter. You were still put here for a reason, and all of your doubts and questions about yourself and your purpose in the world are all just part of the journey. You were put here to learn and explore and to find people to share those little things you found and to keep going. To keep being, keep exploring, to keep going. If you are going to be 'enough' for anyone, you don't have to try to be enough for everyone, or really, anyone but yourself. And that is something that I wish I had been able to tell myself a long time ago. Because that little girl alone in her room was more than enough, even if she didn't know where to put all the pieces of herself. 
You are still here, and you are still trying and still going, and that is plenty

~     ~     ~

“If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.”
-Vincent Van Gogh

((btw if you want to know the song, its Banana Bread by Cavetown. If you like Peej Liguori, Phil Lester, Christian Novelli, or anyone like that, you'll love Robin. He's so creative and his videos are so calming, and he's getting so far and I'm so very proud of him, please, please check his videos out))

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My Safe Places

~          ~

peej liguori
twenty one pilots
morning sun rays
the ocean
my little glass house
blue neighborhood

◇      ◇      

things I've been listening to:
All I Want - Kodaline // The Cave - Mumford and Sons // Smile - Mikky Ekko // A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie // Ink - Coldplay // Bad Habit - The Kooks // La Vie En Rose - Daniela Andrade // Taxi Cab - Twenty One Pilots // Banana Bread - Cavetown // Say It - Houndmouth // Sound - The 1975 // All Is Well - Austin Basham // Heaven - Troye Sivan

((please don't take my photos, thank you <3 <3))
(((p.s. guess who finally updated her art page for the first time in 300 years)))

Sunday, January 3, 2016

psa (everythings a mess help)

Hello, hi, I am trying to take all of my holiday stuff down and putting everything back to normal, but since I am currently not at home/don't have access to my computer, the blogs gonna be quite a mess the next couple weeks, so if you're wondering why everything's mix-matched and a slight wreck (like my bedroom rn, and my science notes), it'll be back to normal soon

Friday, January 1, 2016

define: adventure

Not too long ago, I came across a tumblr posts that read 

"god i love people who refer to anything as an adventure. 
“wanna go on an adventure?” *goes to mcdonald’s for ice cream at 1am*"

And regardless of the fact that it made me question my life and who I am based on what I consider an 'adventure', I'd like to thank tumblr user kehinki for making me reevaluate my life and motivating me to listen to other people more often in terms of what they consider an adventure.

I have met so many people in my time who are true wanderers at heart.
They spend so much time looking at pictures of the world and gazing longingly over plane ticket prices and wondering what it would be like to one day leave their own little town to explore the whole world around them. These kinds of people inspire me so much.
But in reality, I've noticed during these past few months that my ultimate favorite kinds of people are the ones who can find an adventure in every little piece of dust that happens to fly by. The ones that turn waiting at the bus stop into a game of 'who can find the first yellow car?', and the ones who can come to the same place every day and find something new in that same little place. I was heavily  influenced by these kinds of people in my childhood, as both of my parents live in this mindset, and it is something that I have been jealous of for the longest time. (I think it's also why Up continues to be one of my all-time favorite movies. Ellie was my favorite character ever when it came out, and I wanted an adventure book more than anything in the world. I still have yet to fly away in a house hung in the sky below a cloud of balloons, but I'm working on it)
I've spent so long talking about how I could never handle a job where I have to sit in an office day by day, sitting in the same place with nowhere to go, and while I'm still in that mindset where I want more than anything, to travel the world and see everything, I still look for those people every day who are able to turn a little office room into an adventure. In fact, over Christmas, my parents' company gave a camera to me, one I had been wanting for so very long, and I am determined to use it as I was told to--to find adventures in the smallest places. The past week, every single day I go around our little house, around our yard, and into our little town if I'm feeling up to it, to find adventures all on my own. And honestly, they've been some of the best little walks I've ever taken. I just hope that one day I'll be able to define an adventure as simply as existing. Walking down the street, lying in bed, wondering what I'll dream tonight, or just making breakfast or going to school. Maybe, just maybe, my life wouldn't be so dull, and I won't have to worry so much then.
To quote yet another tumblr post, "Your adventure doesn’t begin once you move to your dream home or your favorite part of the country. It does not begin once you’re financially stable. It doesn’t begin once you have a certain amount of instagram or tumblr followers. It is now. Life is happening right under your nose and if you don’t pay attention, you’ll miss it. Daydreams are well and good, but if you spend all your time dreaming, you’ll forget you’re awake and breathing and living life, and you will miss it. Be present. Be fully alive. Accept failure. Begin again, and again, and again. You are writing your own story, no one else. Decide what kind of story you want to write and start living it today."

~     ~     ~

"When people say they want to see the world, what they're really saying is, 'I want to see different'."
-dottie james

((pls dont take my photos, thank you lovelies <3))