Manufactured Personalities

**long rant-y post ahead**

Chris Kendall, or better known on the internet as Crabstickz, uploaded this video a while ago after months of being absent. It didn’t seem like much, just 45 seconds of him holding up a card reading “are you using a manufactured personality to be heard on the internet?” but really to me it meant a lot.

A lot of other youtubers replied to his short little video, saying that, yes, they often do have to feel like a whole different person to be heard on the internet, to keep all of their subscribers and keep their job as a youtuber going. There was such a broad range of responses to this question, every video an admission that they weren’t completely honest about who they were on the internet 100% of the time.

It was one of the videos I watched, I think by Doddleoddle it was who said she was struggling with the fact that she always had to hold up this upbeat, way too happy personality every time she made a video. Because that’s what people like, right? They like happy, bouncy people who are always excited about everything and talk in high tones that people in real life only use to talk to their dogs.

Of course, I don’t have a Youtube channel, but I do have a blog. And I’ve struggled with the same thing. Honestly, if I was able to post at least once every week, I totally would, but the thing is, in every post I tend to give off this “happy” vibe with all caps and too many exclamation points to count. I’m not saying that’s not who I am, it’s just I’m only able to make posts when I’m in that All-Caps-And-Exclamation-Points mood, and it gets to be a struggle. When I first started posting, I did post every day, or every other day. And it was horrible. Even when I felt like screaming into my pillow or crying in a corner for a month, I always felt pressured to be happy for my followers. Because every time I said I was upset or gave off this vibe that I was mad about something, people would back off, whether it was online or in real life. Because that’s not the Kelsey people are used to. Whenever I needed to talk to people, I basically trained myself to have one setting, ‘Peppy Cheerleader at a Football Game’, and nothing else to make sure that no one would run off. People wanted happy. And holding myself up to those standards were freaking. exhausting.  

Over time I had to question this. Was this really healthy? Was this really what I wanted? If people didn’t stand by my side even when I’m not in that stupid ‘happy-go-lucky’ mood, did they really care? And over time, I did end up taking more breaks and showing more emotions. Because here’s the truth; I’m not always happy. I’m not always that 'all caps' girl. In fact, in real life, it’s like once a month I actually act the way I do on here. I cry a lot. My family is constantly nagging me, asking me why I never smile anymore. I think about when I was little and how often I would laugh and feel even worse because I don’t remember the last time I genuinely laughed out loud. I am happy sometimes, don’t get me wrong, because if I wasn’t, I would never post on here.

If you feel pressured in the same way to be constantly happy for other people, just remember, you are not a robot. People break down sometimes. People are upset sometimes. People feel like crap sometimes. It’s normal. You shouldn’t have to hold yourself to these standards to be one of those people who are constantly smiling and laughing. You can challenge yourself to be happier, but you can’t just completely get rid of all of your other emotions. If people tell you that you tend to give off this vibe that you’re always upset, that’s their problem. Because this is who you are. And you are human. You shouldn’t have to turn yourself into a robot just so you can be heard on the internet.

But this is just how I relate to his question. There were so many amazing answers to Crabstickz, and I’m so happy he made that video, because it is important. If you have a response too, maybe make a post with your own thoughts? Even if you don’t, this is something for everyone to think about.

“Are you using a manufactured personality to be heard on the internet?”

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Sorry about the little rant that didn't really even make any sense in the long run, but I really needed to let this out. Thank you so much for reading. <3

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