back to school (a totally legit tutorial)

so before school actually starts, usually a couple weeks before the first day, I get to tag along with my family to buy school supplies and cry into bowls of ice cream (especially this year, because I get to cry about college stuff). Thankfully, I still have a good week yet before that happens, but since August is the month when most people start heading off to their first week of classes, I decided to write a totally legit tutorial on getting yourself ready to get back to school, inspired by Tadelesmith. Also, quick note, I wrote this in July right before I left to go on that one trip and never actually edited anything before posting, so if there’s any horrible typos or errors in general, I’m sorry, please bear with me.

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STEP ONE: PREPARATION – buying school supplies

Buying school supplies is actually the best part of getting ready for school in my opinion because heck yeah new pencils and fabulous blank notebooks and all that crap, the only actual thing to worry about at this time is running into old “friends” from school last year. In attempt to woo these people, showing them all how much cooler you have gotten over the summer months, I suggest dressing yourself in the latest “trendy” outfits, wearing dark glasses, and surrounding yourself with bodyguards to avoid getting beat up. Or, if you’re like me and are too lazy to go to all that trouble, you can just show up in your pajamas to show the world how you’ve really been living the past couple months.

This works too

STEP TWO: GOING TO THE STORE

Go to the nearest Staples, Target, Walmart (if u do go to Walmart pls say hi to me. Ill be hiding with the squirrels in the nearest trash can), or wherever your family drags you as you sob, still in your pajamas. Pick out the cheapest pack of pencils and notebooks, because your mom told you that we’re on a budget and $7.99 is absolutely ridiculous for a notebook you’re just going to be using to glue down pictures of Gerard Way to stare at while in science, while checking off the items on the supplies list with the cheesy cartoon pencil border your school gave to you to make sure you’re totally prepared for the year.

STEP THREE: REGRET

You should be about halfway done picking out all of your school supplies and you don’t think this is going all that bad and you’re just about to go down the other aisle to get a spray can of Bob’s Boys-Be-Gone for the year when one of the popular girls from your school who laughed at you when you got water up your nose when getting a drink at the water fountain comes around the corner, talking to her friend. Hide behind one of those big displays of pens they have in the middle of the aisles that always block your parents’ carts and grab as many sharpies you can get your hands on. Immediately draw a mustache and various stripes and dots on yourself in order to make yourself completely unrecognizable. In fact, just draw all over yourself. Go wild. Because let’s be honest, you’re probably going to be doing this to yourself halfway through the year anyway during your biannual ‘I’m supposed to be studying for finals but I can’t even see straight anymore’ breakdowns. Might as well start early this year.

STEP FOUR: RETREAT

As soon as the girls are at a safe 50 mile distance away from you, emerge from your sharpie pen fort and look for your mom who, probably at this point, has already checked out and left you. On your way, head to the ice cream isle. It’s the end of summer, so they should have a good 20% off sale going on about now. Grab as many tubs of ice cream you can get. Scratch that. Just sit inside in freezer and eat the ice cream right out of the tub while sobbing.

STEP FIVE: ESCAPE

At this point, you’ll probably realize that you’d probably make a better living selling hot dogs on the side of the road than you would crying in a classroom over a test packet. Go to the nearest costume shop and buy yourself a good disguise. Acquire a brand new identity and run away to first jungle you can find on Vacation.com and start building your treehouse to live with the monkeys. Goodbye Civilization.  

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(inspired by)

some of you are already in school

be careful out there, brave soldiers

Who knows what this post was. xD

But really, good luck all of you this year, whether you're going into 4th grade, 8th grade, or 10th grade, or just preparing for uni, I really hope you all have a wonderful year. 

Just don't get murdered, I need someone to join my 'Cry Over Bands With Me' club and I have like 2 friends irl. xD

I start next week, so my blogging schedule may go from 'a new post every hour when she needs to be studying' to 'is she still alive' so no promises that I will get much on here the next nine months, but we'll see how this all goes.

ANYWHO, HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

DRINK LOTS OF WATER FOR ME

EAT LOTS OF PINEAPPLES

STAY IN SCHOOL, DONT MURDER ANYONE

AND HAVE A FABULOUS DAY <3